“Form into emptiness, emptiness into form.”

“In the exploration of your body, using guided meditation, yoga asanas and sacred sound, the discovery is that the deep silent essence is within the bones and blood, just as it is in the mountains and the sky. It’s not two. Discovering your own nature in the body allows the stability of the natural state that is already present now, not in some yet to be recognized state in the future. The inner and the outer are recognized as inseperable. Form into emptiness, emptiness into form.” the exploration of your body, using guided meditation, yoga asanas and sacred sound, the discovery is that the deep silent essence is within the bones and blood, just as it is in the mountains and the sky. It’s not two. Discovering your own nature in the body allows the stability of the natural state that is already present now, not in some yet to be recognized state in the future. The inner and the outer are recognized as inseperable. Form into emptiness, emptiness into form.” QUOTE by Sharon Landrith  who is  a satsang teacher and a medical intuitive living in Colorado.  Check out Sharon at www.sharonlandrith.com.  Sharon was asked to teach by Adyashanti.  I recommend a session with her on the phone. You can make an appointment with Shila, info on her website.

Advertisements

Yoga because i simply enjoy it!

For 30 years I’ve been waking up with the thought I should meditate and do asanas(postures). That is alot of stress to have that for so long every single morning all these years. I had periods when I would get up at 4am, 5am, 6am and do many hours – to now…. I would say my formal practice has been non-existent this past couple of summer months. I just realized yesterday that it has been 30 years! What about waking up and not having that ‘should’ present anywhere in my mind whether conscious or unconscious?

I’ve been feeling inner division alot…. the old part thinks i should be doing yoga whether it it meditating or asanas, the fresh part that has accomplished sooo much in the relative world these past few months, is relaxed and enjoying life in whatever I am doing. I have wondered if there is something wrong with me because I am not meditating, am I afraid of something, is there somewhere inside sabatoging the Truth here?

Today I am noticing that because I’ve seen the absolute impossibility of any yoga practice bringing one to true ‘awakening’ or enlightenment, then why do it is one thought thread I’ve had inside this summer since going to a 5 day silent retreat in June with Adyashanti. The absolute hopelessness, complete impossibility and the deep utter failure of the so called ‘you’ ,,,,, ‘attaining anything’ in the spiritual realm.

It is all a set-up for failiure. I’m not talking about gaining experiences that come and go.

How about practicing yoga not for any goal in the future? How about practicing yoga because something here simply enjoys it!!!! How about simply for the love of IT!

Yahoo! What freedom… I can’t even describe it! Or I could say that maybe it feels like a kid jumping off our tower into the pond.

Human Being Human….or Human being Spiritual!

The LOVE which i have flown all over the world to sit at various teacher’s/guru’s feet is available right here – in everyone I meet, in my children, husband, students…. the distinction between human and spiritual is falling away…..

This is a note to my Self from my Self.

dscf3424.jpg

Yes to BEING HUMAN! Ever thought about the words ‘Human Being’ ? Who picked the word ‘being’ to go after ‘human’ ? I think they were smarter than most notice. How about meditate on the words ‘human BEING’ instead of a some sanskrit mantra some teacher thinks is going to give you salvation. Is it possible that the answer could be truly SIMPLE and already right here in our human-ness? DO we have to go to India (which i have done 3 times) on a spiritual quest, get sick, recite mantra, practice meditation, pranayam , asanas, rituals etc for year s on end… ultimately loosing site of the original goal….. just continuing to slave away at what i think or believe is important…….

How about starting where YOU ARE rather than for years trying to ‘get somewhere’, or be something else – that someone has told you you should strive for…. or fit a mold you read about in a so called spiritual book…or believe they all are smarter, know what is best, are holier and more pure and worthy than you and follow and imitate them as if you are a frigging grovelling idiot ?

I think i began treading the so called spiritual path due to not wanting to feel the pain that was threatening to explode inside…. I suppose there were other reasons.. but avoiding life i now realize was a big part of my ‘so called spiritual life’. You might think i sound kind of cynical or something… but it is more that i just don’t buy it all anymore….

I used to divide my life into – this is spiritual – that is not…. seems like…. I’m discovering what it is to BE in this human form….. if that makes any sense…. a big huge laugh…….Ok…. more is falling away and opening up.

It seems that as the fear drops away to simply feel and notice all that I’ve feared, love and compassion appears. Being spiritual is not separate from being human anymore….. meditating because I was trying to not feel the pain inside or because i was escaping into a trance state to help me not feel what is here is not the answer for me anymore. I know it is believed to be the answer for many, but I am discovering that the more human i allow myself to be, the more I drop into all that is feared, the more love appears.

In trying to be spiritual – I discounted or ignored what was truly here. Only for my whole life. What a hoot to discover. What a relief…. the jewel really always was here, is here…..

A tender flower delicately blooming, spreading open its petals… completely…simply…. expanding – discovering Love….Space Simply Being Human.

New eyes opening.

dscf3452.jpg

“Let everyone be as they are.” Adyashanti

“Let everyone be as they are.” Adya said this to me almost 4 years ago at the end of a conversation with him. I am continually learning what this means. After he said this, he brought his hands over his heart and said “bless you heart’. What a gift to have teachers that guide us to the Truth within.

adya-bless-your-heart-big.png

My deepest gratitude to all that give us the space to Be That Which WE ARE in all of our Human-ness if there is such a word. Or I could say…. my deepest gratitude to my teachers, friends, and family that give us the space to acknowledge whatever arises and hold us in Love when things present themselves that we’ve hidden from for so many years.

My deepest gratitude for ‘something here’ that gives acknowledgement for all the pain I have hidden and run from the last 35 years…

wow…. i’ve talked about hellish experiences and stories of childhood for all these years, but never was connected to the feeling sense of it all…. Just up in my head… which is ok as well. It is how i survived. The body is releasing, opening……. so much held in, no blame… just a letting go… ahh yes! as i say in my yoga classes……

perhaps when all is met within, the stories loose their force to consume our attention?

Let myself be as I am! Let myself be a human and stop trying to be some super spiritual blah blah blah concept of something other than what I am….!!!!! What am I without all the conditioning?

received this wonderfully timely quote today in an email.

“Stop being who you think you are, and be who you Are. Let yourself know what you already know.” — Adyashanti

Being Yoga!

I appear to enjoy rambling and love to ask questions that silence this thinking brain……

What in life is not learned?

dscf2146_2.jpg

 

What is not a thought?

Can LIFE be experienced or lived without perceiving IT through words, ideas, beliefs, concepts, names?

wild geranium

 

What is relationship without thoughts made up of words, made up by humans? Who is having a relationship?

chickens’ relationships?

 

What is IT that experiences LIFE?

Can we come to know IT without using theories, books, teachings, teachers, traditions?

Who/what comes to know or INTO knowing?

incredible purple lupin

Can we live without the energy of ‘DOING’ running the show? Or at least notice it!

Check out what the energy of ‘doing’ feels like inside… check out what ‘doing something for an end goal feels like inside compared to playing a game with a child for example with no goal, just pure enjoyment.

What if we just STOP absolutely all ‘doing’?

enjoying life!

Even to say ‘I do yoga’. Sure that is true in the relative sense, but how about deeper than that?

BE YOGA!

this was me playing….thanks for the indulgence…….

 

 

Enlightenment: What Haven’t I tried Yet?

 

Sat down one night after teaching a yoga class in the Fall of 2006 and this came out. Fasten your seatbelts if you decide to read my reflections on my 30 years of being spiritual seeker…….another warning, there is a subtle or not so subtle occasional vibe of a kind of happily exploding rage……:)

What haven’t I tried yet?

A bicycle trip changed my life……. Be conscious when I die’ the prison psychologist said to my brother and I. That made something go ping inside of me… only goal in life for the past 30 years. I have tried everything to become conscious except one thing.….. be a better person, purify my body, change my emotional patterning, dive deep into past conditioning and rip it apart piece by piece, therapy of all sorts, change my reactions to people, get rid of this anger, that grief, never get angry at my kids, be a more patient person, understand this and that. I had to earn enlightenment with austerities of all sorts. Don’t eat this, eat that, sleep this long, get up at 4am, do this many hours of asanas, pranayam, meditation, study and I’ll get enlightened.Wildflower in our field.

If I think this or that thought – I am unspiritual. Oh.. all the inner judgments. Practically every thought is a judgment in some way. Believed that people who meditate long hours are more holy than being a mom. I challenge anyone who thinks of themselves as spiritual and hasn’t had children of their own – to have a child of their own – get them up and ready for the school bus day and in day out. What is your definition of spiritual now?

Wear white clothes only as they are pure and colours are not.
Don’t wear leather shoes as I became a vegetarian of course. Sat and mixed all sorts of meditations at once, hey why not do it all at the same time – I thought. Blew a few circuits. Pretty funny. Sex and no sex. Save ojas or not. Raise my kundalini, go insane. Think I’m bad and wrong for even existing. Believing so called enlightened yogis coming to the west with the air of mystery. Teaching no sex and they all are having sex it turns out. Hey maybe they are enlightened, I’ll never know, they just didn’t fit into my belief about how an enlightened person ‘should be’. Believing beliefs – that’s what causes wars. Can’t enlightened people have sex for Christ’s sake? Why did I believe everything? Maybe if I read this book, that book, I’ll find the secret to life I have missed. Go to this teacher and that. If I look like you, walk like you, eat the same food, can you give it to me? Keep spine straight, don’t sit with bad posture – God forbid, how unspiritual. You can’t be enlightened if you eat meat, have poor posture, smoke drugs or cigarettes, drink alcohol and have sex. As a result I don’t smoke, do drugs or drink alcohol, though I did indulge in a few of those things. Didn’t give up sex for long. Driveway into the Quietness

Thought getting a university degree would prove to myself that I wasn’t stupid. Didn’t make any difference. Funny that it took 17 years to complete. Give myself good marks for persistence. Persistence this is what I have had for 30 years! Take this vitamin or mineral, magic water, fasting, essential oils, and juicing. Never got into raw food, though in my early seeking years I fasted long and regularly, smoked pot, drank, ran a lot of miles, practiced yoga at least twice a day, played tennis and had a job – all on the same day. Hahahaha. Had boyfriends for as long as I could stand them. Those were the days. What fun!!!

I believed that person or that book. I believed another persons beliefs and judgments about me before I believed and listened to myself. I never honoured any feelings inside especially when someone else had their own opinion. Should I do this or do that? I was always wrong no matter what. God can’t be right here, inside of this insane form, I am too impure. Thought I would get enlightened in this life for sure. Truly felt that until I started to read all the books that said it takes many lifetimes and one must be pure of all negativity and basically be rid of all human emotions and desires etc. Now I see that I had an impossible idea of perfection as an enlightened human being inside fueling much of my life. I see that perfection is a man made concept that we accept and believe on some unconscious level. Tried to be perfect not knowing there is no such thing – only an idea inside someone’s head. I projected perfection on to teachers and perfected projecting onto teachers. Wanted to be like them rather than discovering how the hell am I anyways or who the hell am I? Only the gurus were allowed to be enlightened. We are all supposed to be followers for ever because they are supposed to know everything and it is disrespectful to wake up ourselves. Some unwritten taboo. What would happen to my relationship with teacher if I woke up? God forbid. I’ll just keep pretending – better than being honest.

lightness of being - a light pink spring peony

Always resonated with “Be still and know I am God.” Makes me weep when I stop.
I was Christian in a mystical way, then a Christian mystical yogi, than a Hindu Christian yogi, then definitely a Hindu yogi, then in India as a rebellious westerner yogi, wondering what is this hindu stuff all about, feeling hypocritical. Chanting mantra, kirtan, ran yoga retreats. Thought all these things would get me ‘there’. Started to forget why I was doing all this in the first place. Became a habit. I don’t even know what enlightenment is, how could I even recognize it. Obviously my ideas and beliefs about it were wrong. Not good enough for anything or anyone. Got to get rid of my ego – all the while creating a huge frigging spiritual ego. All sorts of variations. The ego of belittling the self. I have great conditioning in this arena.

Enlightenment- a pie in the sky, in the so called spiritual world. What the fuck is IT anyways? Trying to live up to other peoples concepts of how I ‘should be’ and they are living up to someone else’s made up concepts. Concepts keep the world of so called personal hells carrying on. Talk about fuel for the spiritual ego. My God. Hilarious. Look outside for all answers. Always looking out. Always discounting what is here inside as wrong. To say No or Yes is like pulling teeth. Big resistance depending on angle of my perception. Most of life fuelled by ‘NO’. Mind blowing to really see this. To say Yes when the pattern of No is so big inside has been an interesting process. To say No when something inside is screaming it and the conditioning is afraid to say it because of self judgment and believing I have to keep everyone happy and make sure everyone likes me. Fucking hell really. All self created. All self created……

Have you noticed that absolutely everything is temporary in terms of doing spiritual practices? If you fast, do asanas, meditate, study this or that, move energy this way or that way, go on this retreat, it is still all related to the conceptual world that DIES and or changes form. Temporarily you’ll feel good after doing asanas, meditation, eating a so called ‘pure’ and tasteless diet. Isn’t it the temporary form that is affected by all of this doing? The conditioning comes back. We crash back into our humanness after our temporary ‘highs’ or retreats from life. Believed that only the old forms of spiritual paths are best, new ones are deluded. It is all a huge misunderstanding. Talk about ego eh! Being what I thought was a spiritual person on some deep level – I thought I was better and more holy than people who didn’t practice the same practices as me. Was I ever deluded! Its all ego for Christ’s sake….just different expressions of same across the board ignorance.
Funny isn’t it!

Sunrise Buddha

Isn’t God BIGGER than fasting, asanas, meditation, nationality and Death of the Body? Isn’t God bigger than believing this is the way to worship God or that way is the way to worship God? Does God care? WHAT isn’t affected by all this DOING? What is underneath all of the doing? The spiritual practices are on the surface of being. Re-arranging the temporary forms of existence – not saying it is bad, just saying it is not IT. What is not temporary? Don’t want to be stuck in man made forms anymore…. save me …….What is not man made? What is not thought up by humans?
Is GOD affected by any of the so called spiritual practices? I resonate with the word GOD. Maybe it is my church background, even the minister couldn’t answer me when I asked him to prove to me that there is a God.
I resonate with the words ‘ Divine’ , ‘Spirit’ and ‘Love’ and ‘Joy’. Despite seeing the hell on this planet created by man made religions – I appear to have a very devotional nature. I resonate with the form of Hanuman in a deeply and surprising way lately. Gratitude is my teacher. The altar of the Heart is my new resting place when it all stops and I take notice. The Alter of the Heart has always been here.

I resonate with the teachings of Adyashanti and am so deeply grateful for Adyashanti. Why not be open to what is here, here, here and here. Look at the leaves on the trees how still they are. Hanging in the air oh soooo still. Thousands and thousands of leaves on one tree – just being.

Adyashanti

Wake up or bust, become awakened, become conscious, get enlightened. . 30 years I have been struggling to be conscious. Do this , do that. A professional seeker. All the time hiding behind everything going on outside and everything going on inside. Always really simply afraid to meet what is really True…..no blame, just habits of humanity. Can’t do this anymore. …..breaking free, coming out of the self created prison, not knowing, no clue, afraid, don’t know ‘how’ the mind pattern says… hahahahahahaha.
WHAT TRASH ! ALL OF IT!

Springtime bud of a  wild Mayapple
A small green shoot peeking up out of the dirt, so rich, a big sky above, not knowing, IT blossoms into an exquisite flower. I’m going outside to play.

Can you figure out what I haven’t tried?

Sunrise at the cottage

………….on the morning I started to write these words a very quiet voice inside said from behind… GIVE UP. A voice I had never heard before from somewhere very very deep. Who or what said that. A louder voice said I can’t give up how ridiculous what a failure. …I’ve been listening to the louder voice my whole life.

Wait a minute….the one thing …. I have never tried is ……GIVING UP…..reeeeaaalllly stopping all of this doing. Don’t even know how to give up.
STOP.
Afraid to STOP.

A story about perception by Antony DeMello

I love the teachings of a Jesuit Priest who appears to have been ‘awakened’, by the name of Antony DeMello. All his book are fantastic. He taught using stories.

Here is one of his stories I read this morning:

“An active young woman showed signs of stress and strain. The doctor prescribes tranquilizers and asked her to report to him after a couple of weeks.

When she came back he asked her if she felt any different. She said, “No, I don’t. But I’ve observed that others people seem a lot more relaxed.”

…….

Great story about how we perceive life through our conditioning and aren’t really getting the big picture.

Dandelions just being dandelions!

Similar is dandelions. Last spring at the cottage I was taking pictures of the first signs of spring. We are taught that dandelions are bad and we call them weeds. I decided that first year of juicing dandelions in the spring that because there were so many of them at my house that they were a gift to be enjoyed. Abundantly health giving properties in dandelions. Perception – weed or flower? What do we choose….. ?

See the crazy lady below happily buzzing on dandelions.

lakshmi enjoying the dandelions

I could ask How do YOU perceive YOU? Are your thoughts about you true?

Can you perceive You without any thoughts about YOU?

I write these questions – as I ask them inside here. Spiritual Inquiry……. WOW!