Silent Retreat – poem by Dorothy Hunt

Retreat

Sit quietly.
Strip off the masks
of self-deception,
self-reflection,
self-improvement,
self-judgment.
If you want truth,
these activities waste energy.

Sit quietly.
What is peering out
from behind your mask?
Without relying on a single thought,
who are you?
No matter what you see,
there is more unseen.
Always, the Mystery invites itself deeper.

© Dorothy S. Hunt

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Gicky Guru or a Real Teacher?

Just because someone is sitting in the teachers chair, doesn’t mean a thing! Listening deeply to what is present here inside, has become much more a reality thanks to a visit in Toronto from a so called non-dual ‘awakened ‘ teacher a while back. I see how the intention to please others and believing I was responsible for their happiness has motivated so much of my life.  Perhaps 99%.

Nothing new to have false teachers, just shocked me that I would go to the weekend after feeling so strongly inside not to host his event and have him live at my house while he is here.  The addiction to not deeply listening internally to what is ‘here’ has up to this point been strong.  On some level, I chose to forget my initial intuition about this teacher? Thank God, the first clue I did listen to, was when I was asked to host him here when he was visiting from his home in Europe. My first instinct was an across the board NO and that is what I said. Unusual for me as I am often the dog in the world of service. I suggested my friends in Toronto host this teacher. They agreed and as a result, I found myself going down to his satsangs. Absolutely anyone can write a book and sound enlightened.

Om swaha….at my own delusion or that part in me that was addicted to believing that answers/help are outside. It was a traumatic weekend on many levels and I can’t blame the teacher. I can only blame myself for putting myself in the position of thinking he had something to ‘teach or share.’ I unconsciously put him in a position of power. I suppose he did have something to teach me and that was run the other the direction and if on some level I am resisting what a teacher is saying — THAT IS HONORING THE TRUTH IN MY SELF and not something wrong with me as he would like me to believe. Perhaps by even going to hear a teacher speak could be coming from a deep place inside that thinks something is wrong with me…. okay I own that. I own that I can project on a teacher, but I honestly think that sometimes even teachers can project their ‘stuff” on unsuspecting students.

Get the big picture!  Whole Tulip

Can we go listen to a teacher or sit in satsang simply in Stillness, without wanting or expecting anything?  I have no idea as I don’t think I’ve done that often.

Consider a radio – it has energy going through it, and one can pick different channels to hear different music, talk shows etc. Same thing with humans and energy. How one person perceives energy can be quite different than another and for one person to force their energetic perspective on another is a violation. This is a boundary that I didn’t have on that weekend. A so called ‘awakened’ teacher in my misguided perception would know not to force themselves on a person sitting in the ‘question chair’. Then again, I went into a post traumatic state of numbness and couldn’t feel or move, so I am discovering the aspect of compassion to that part inside that couldn’t move and didn’t understand what was going on. The meeting with this so called teacher re awakened all the ‘bad’ memories with men I had when I was younger.  I thank him for that.  Guess it was time to deal with those energies again.

What this experience did for me was to really hit me over the head with a sledge hammer – how I give my power away, consciously or not. Almost constantly, never being true to what is my own experience. I am learning, but wow! As all humans, I have/had some really deep seated sticky patterns that want to keep coming up and playing.  Some I’ve pushed under the floor boards, hoping they wouldn’t emerge again.   Hiding seems to be over !!! I suppose I could thank that so called ‘teacher’ for that adjustment in the ‘addicted seeker energy’, that still emerges. I hope I learned whatever lesson I was meant to learn…..

My role was sitting in the chair and letting this so called teacher ‘teach’. I wouldn’t call his expression at all related to the non-dual teachings. I never knew what spiritual rape was until going to a meeting with him. I think perhaps, he is trying to be a Muktananda kind of teacher and awaken people’s dormant spiritual energy. Very dangerous what he was doing from my limited perspective.

I’ve been there and done that ‘waking up the kundalini thing’ and it is not something to be played with lightly. I know from my own experience in my early 20’s the dangers of playing with fire.

As I sat and watched him work with others and always talk about getting in the body, it didn’t seem like he was getting people into the physical body at all, but getting them to feel ‘energy’ in their bodies. His whole approach was energetic and we were supposed to feel him inside of us. He would say things to me like, ‘feel me inside of you’. Yuck, gucky, let me go vomit. Did I ask you to get inside of me..(not consciously at least) .. okay it is beginning to feel like a guy forcing himself on me and trying to make me feel guilty if I’m not into it.  Or – there is something wrong with me because I won’t let him  in… OMG.  Is this guy for real?

I’d like to ask… To what are you referring as the ‘you’ who wants to get inside of me??? He had a gift with energy and I felt he was getting caught in the oldest trap in the spiritual world. Getting lost his siddhis (powers). What does this energy stuff have to do the Truth for example? I’ll answer that… nothing. At least nothing in the way he was expressing it. This is all simply my deluded opinion and there were people at the satsang who were gaga about this teacher. The energy experience was  new  and very seductive for them.  Simply spiritual candy as some teachers call it.

A friend told me her way of deciding if a teacher is for her. Take them off the podium of the teachers chair and see if what they say would be something you would resonate with from a stranger for example. Okay, here are some of the words this teacher said to me within the first 3 minutes; ‘Its the striper, I can’t wait for you to take it all off on the table, I want to be there, you are the baddie, the wild woman, you are so bad, we can make love energetically, let yourself feel me inside of you etc.” . Over and over again he called me the stripper and the most controlled  juicey person he had ever met.  OMG….. Yes I am serious! Hey, i’m am a cooked turkey, not a spring chicken!  These are the words of a non-dual teacher who people seem to worship  because he has an ability to move energy?   blah blah blah.  I’ll say it again.. anyone can write a book or talk about TRUTH.  Integrity is a quality that I choose  is part of ‘living the Truth’.  His expression os so called Truth,  did not ring in on the level of integrity !!!!  Its only my opinion of course.

There is a reason the yogis in the old days taught the *yamas and niyamas before any other yogic practices.  That reason is so that the humans don’t act as animals when the spiritual energies  awaken and integrity doesn’t get lost in the excitement of the energy.

Whether  that teacher was coming from a True non-dual perspective or simply from missing his wife……Everything/everyone can teach us something and this lesson was  a big one for me.

om swaha…….

A prayer …..

May the voice of Truth, Reign Strong and Free in those of us who had it crushed in our early years. May the courage to speak come through the ‘conditioned hells’ that seem to keep moving us in directions of pain. May the STOPPING become complete.

Sending compassion, sweetness and love to that part inside that looks to authority for answers. May we  (I) awaken to that which doesn’t need to ask questions, which doesn’t need to be fixed, which doesn’t need to change. May we(I) give Space to that in us that has been here since before we were born and started to seek.

This tulip was in my garden last spring….

1.Yamas (restraints) has five parts:

a) non-violence (ahimsa)

b) truthfulness (satya)

c) non-stealing (asteya)

d) continence(brahmacharaya)

e) non-hoarding (aparigraha)

2. Niyamas (observances) has five parts:

a) cleanliness (shaucha)

b) contentment (santosh)

c) austerity (tapas)

d) self-study (svadhyaya)

e) surrender to God (Iswara-pranidhana)

“Form into emptiness, emptiness into form.”

“In the exploration of your body, using guided meditation, yoga asanas and sacred sound, the discovery is that the deep silent essence is within the bones and blood, just as it is in the mountains and the sky. It’s not two. Discovering your own nature in the body allows the stability of the natural state that is already present now, not in some yet to be recognized state in the future. The inner and the outer are recognized as inseperable. Form into emptiness, emptiness into form.” the exploration of your body, using guided meditation, yoga asanas and sacred sound, the discovery is that the deep silent essence is within the bones and blood, just as it is in the mountains and the sky. It’s not two. Discovering your own nature in the body allows the stability of the natural state that is already present now, not in some yet to be recognized state in the future. The inner and the outer are recognized as inseperable. Form into emptiness, emptiness into form.” QUOTE by Sharon Landrith  who is  a satsang teacher and a medical intuitive living in Colorado.  Check out Sharon at www.sharonlandrith.com.  Sharon was asked to teach by Adyashanti.  I recommend a session with her on the phone. You can make an appointment with Shila, info on her website.

Healing is Being

What is healing is not working on yourself;
what is healing is being yourself.
Thinking fear should be gone brings more fear;
thinking anger should be gone brings more anger.
Without a gatekeeper, the world
chirps and buzzes, laughs and weeps,
and lives in peace.
Rain lasts for a morning, or a season,
and is gone.
The sun is always present in the highest heaven,
yet clouds are not unwelcome.
The tiny white flower in the never-seen thicket
blooms as itself without regret,
And the deer are not ashamed
by their need to run from harm’s way.

What is healing is not working on yourself;
what is healing is simply being yourself.
Effort is the Two;
judgment is the Two.
Truth appears in the moment
of its unfolding and is never of the mind.
What Is, is always Now.
Laugh or weep when it is time;
be big or small as the moment appears;
inhale when you inhale;
exhale when you exhale;
nature’s rhythms are never wrong.
Trust the wisdom of Being itself
living its life as you.
©Dorothy Hunt 2009

Dorothy’s website is http://www.dorothyhunt.org if you’d like to explore more of her beautiful writings. Dorothy lives in California and came up to Aurora Ontario in 2009 to teach. It was a true blessing to be with her. Some day she’ll come back up to Aurora if the Truth draws her here. Enjoy the NEW YEAR – all of IT.

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What?

What is not doing anything? What is not striving, seeking, looking, wanting, needing, believing?

The whole grasping energy inside….. what is that? IS the grasping or clinging of a spiritual person clinging to the ‘idea’ of belief of God any different that the energy or grasping of a person wanting a new car to complete their life?

Feel inside and think of something that you want.. what does it feel like inside? Now think of a spiritual desire if you have any…. does the basic energy feel any different?

On spiritual paths, it is easy for people to think they are ‘better’ than others who are not on a spiritual path-  consciously or unconsciously.  Check inside and see.  OMG I grew a huge spiritual ego that fueled my life for years and got me ‘nowhere’ hohoho.

Pull out all the weeds and what remains?

“Let everyone be as they are.” Adyashanti

“Let everyone be as they are.” Adya said this to me almost 4 years ago at the end of a conversation with him. I am continually learning what this means. After he said this, he brought his hands over his heart and said “bless you heart’. What a gift to have teachers that guide us to the Truth within.

adya-bless-your-heart-big.png

My deepest gratitude to all that give us the space to Be That Which WE ARE in all of our Human-ness if there is such a word. Or I could say…. my deepest gratitude to my teachers, friends, and family that give us the space to acknowledge whatever arises and hold us in Love when things present themselves that we’ve hidden from for so many years.

My deepest gratitude for ‘something here’ that gives acknowledgement for all the pain I have hidden and run from the last 35 years…

wow…. i’ve talked about hellish experiences and stories of childhood for all these years, but never was connected to the feeling sense of it all…. Just up in my head… which is ok as well. It is how i survived. The body is releasing, opening……. so much held in, no blame… just a letting go… ahh yes! as i say in my yoga classes……

perhaps when all is met within, the stories loose their force to consume our attention?

Let myself be as I am! Let myself be a human and stop trying to be some super spiritual blah blah blah concept of something other than what I am….!!!!! What am I without all the conditioning?

received this wonderfully timely quote today in an email.

“Stop being who you think you are, and be who you Are. Let yourself know what you already know.” — Adyashanti

Being Yoga!

I appear to enjoy rambling and love to ask questions that silence this thinking brain……

What in life is not learned?

dscf2146_2.jpg

 

What is not a thought?

Can LIFE be experienced or lived without perceiving IT through words, ideas, beliefs, concepts, names?

wild geranium

 

What is relationship without thoughts made up of words, made up by humans? Who is having a relationship?

chickens’ relationships?

 

What is IT that experiences LIFE?

Can we come to know IT without using theories, books, teachings, teachers, traditions?

Who/what comes to know or INTO knowing?

incredible purple lupin

Can we live without the energy of ‘DOING’ running the show? Or at least notice it!

Check out what the energy of ‘doing’ feels like inside… check out what ‘doing something for an end goal feels like inside compared to playing a game with a child for example with no goal, just pure enjoyment.

What if we just STOP absolutely all ‘doing’?

enjoying life!

Even to say ‘I do yoga’. Sure that is true in the relative sense, but how about deeper than that?

BE YOGA!

this was me playing….thanks for the indulgence…….