Spiritually seeking what?

I am finally getting or ‘grocking’ the story about the beggar who for his whole life was sitting on the street waiting for people to give him money. Always he was waiting for the gold to appear in his begging bowl, always thinking that he needed more $ and a lack of something. A stranger/holy man came along and told him that he was sitting on his treasure all along. He said oh no you are mistaken!…. He eventually looked under the box he was sitting on and there was a pot of gold, all along it had been there, he just didn’t look! I just probably destroyed that story, but it went something like that.

In terms of this life here. A few years back I started to have resistance to being ‘called’ a spiritual seeker. I had so much ego/energy/life tied up with being a spiritual seeker = phew! Made me feel better about myself. I hid behind the mask of a spiritual seeker, from myself and others.

What is THAT which I have been seeking? Is That which is seeked to be found in a new book, a technique, a teacher’s words, a teachers’ presence, a teachers gaze, the teachers’ grace, the teacher loving me and me feeling that, satsang with a teacher or basically somewhere else than whatever is going on here?

“Don’t imitate your teacher or your guru.

Find within yourself that power which moves him. ” written by Adyashanti

That which is seeked; can we buy it at a store, get IT from someone else, ‘get’ IT at all? Why do we think we can ‘get’ it?
Usually spiritual seekers are looking for something as if an object is to be obtained. They (I) believe (d) if they purify themselves of whatever is bad, wrong, impure, then they will have earned the enlightenment, peace, truth, consciousness or whatever they were seeking. I was taught this and I believed this for many years. So many books are coming from the angle that something is wrong or there is a problem that needs to be fixed and the author sets out to show us how to fix ourselves and make ourselves better human beings.

IS IT TRUE?

Here is another quote I love;

“The problem is that most people seek out

religions of all sorts as a way to relieve themselves

of the burden of finding and verifying the truth

for themselves-as if they could ride piggy-back

to enlightenment on the shoulders of some religion

or what some enlightened guy in the past said. Adyashanti from My Secret is Silence.

How can Truth, consciousness, peace, love, enlightenment, divine- whatever you want to call it be obtained like an object????? IT seems that as a seeker something believed that ‘it’ could be obtained.  WOW!  That was a misperception!! At this point, this perspective here has shifted big time.  As these are non physical ‘things’ they are not to be bought at the local Wallmart when i ‘get’ enough money or obtained by going to 5000 retreats and doing a million hours of sadhana. It seems that the mind or the ‘seeking’ energy has been trying to grasp or hold That which it can not be held or grasped!  Doesn’t seem like the sticky, clingy energy of the egoic mind will ‘get’ IT, as the Space is from this limited perspective at the moment, beyond or underneath all the stickiness and untouchable.

Here is another poem that speaks to to me .  I guess I am a a bit dribbly today….. I do so love Adya’s poems and one liners.  Forgive me.

Before you start to meditate, ask yourself a question:

Is it true that peace and silence are not here now?

With you intention to move towards quietness,

the first step we take is away from it

because we assume it’s not here already.

copyright by Adyashanti from My Secret is Silence.

I’m off to clean the kitchen and make dinner….. my real sadhana….is this ‘doing’ spiritual? Perhaps it is what is underneath all ‘doing’. Maybe the question could be WHO is doing the doing that needs to be noticed or realized?

WHO/WHAT IS THE SEEKER?  What does the seeking energy feel like under all the stories I tell or believe?I think i am going somewhere, aren’t I?

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