Rambling, stream of consciousness, not sure who would care to read, but it is good to write. Ever heard of Jed McKenna’s books. Check him out at http://www.wisefoolpress.cm
Never had a blog…. not sure if i will do this…. i am a yogi unravelling at the seams. Warning, don’t read this if you are in the romantic stage of your yoga practice. It is not my intent to ruin your relationship with your yoga practice. I am just in a place where i am interested in only the Source of IT ALL. What is underneath it all?
Don’t get lost in the methods of yoga, drop into the TRUTH of Yoga that some would say, is already here right now!
Almost 30 years i have been practicing ‘yoga’ and only yesterday a thought floated into my head…. What is yoga in my own experience?
How about the beautiful picture of the geranium for an answer. Can you dip into the essence that the flower expresses?
The answer comes not in words. If i use words to describe IT, is is only empty words on the surface of life. Discover for your self, what is yoga?
If you want to read what others have said about what is yoga, go to the articles on my website or read some books. But remember, we can forget ourselves in others concepts and beliefs and never get to know who we REALLY ARE!
All these years i have been believing and worshiping what all the books, the great yogis and teachers have written and said. I’ve taken their words as the Truth , and strived, seeked, searched, taught, tried to change or get rid of all the humanness inside as it didn’t seem to fit what the ancients and modern yogis were teaching. 30 years of only really rearranging my ‘ego’ and all this time i thought i was trying to get rid of it! Wow, what a shock! I;m not saying what they said isn’t true, i am just suggesting it is time to investigate for myself, go deeper than surface beliefs. So much of what i have done, thought, and or believed in was just putting bandaids on the conscious or unconscious pain that every once and a while would surface. Yoga, the spiritual quest was all just me trying to feel better, to help me escape and not feel what i was feeling. I would go and get my fix through yoga and all it had to offer to leave the present moment and float away in some altered space. Let me put on incense, turn down the lights, new age floating music and do 5000 hours of asanas, pranayam and do the methods with the aim of ‘getting somewhere’ other than here. Truly for me, a huge resistance to all of life, from before i can even remember, inside like a seething little hairless Voldemort, manipulating my daily life now, inner and outer.
All practices started with the aim of enlightenment or so i thought ….Learned to believe that enlightenment was only for the purest of pure humans and that it must be earned by hard austerities and non emotional people that always have a smile on their face and moved, thought, spoke slowly. Speediness is not allowed, it is bad and unyogic or so i thought. All humanness was supposed to be controlled as it is said to be ‘not pure’ and negative. So much of yoga is about control = control your thoughts, control the breathe, control the body, control the desires, feelings, words, interactions, time, our big toes – you name it – all about control.
Control, judgement and fear seem to go hand in hand. A thought comes up that comments on something, it is believed on an unconsious level to be true and then we believe that we must change what is happening either inside or outside. We must ‘get rid of this or that’. We think when the inside or outside is changed to fit the picture of what the controller believes is right or ‘perfect’ than all will be well. The judging thought believes it is correct and all knowing in its assessment of the situation at hand. The energy of fear arises due to our belief that the judgement is correct. Or was the fear first to arise ? Was all the judgements , control, rage due to fear? Will i be found out?
unravelling some morre….
The fear of being beaten down physically, verbally, emotionally. I am feeling this in the body, phew….wow….. this seems to have been unconsciously been fueling my whole life. Oh My God! Now i see my father and mother in a whole new light, a bigger picture….. the BUCK STOPS HERE! Adyashanti says that the darkness comes up to be meet in the light. This seems to be what is happening more and more. Intense but also a great relief. How else can I describe it? The picture below, the first spring flower coming up out of the mud and ages leaves. Incredible to really see this in the spring. This flower is inside under all our conditioning!
This seems worth meditating on! The first flower in spring, wild bloodroot!
IS IT TRUE?
Control seems to be all about not feeling what is here. Put boundaries/limits on absolutely everything. The belief that what is here is wrong, impure, can’t deal with it, let me escape, resist my life til i die. Put a lid on life energy manifesting or else! The energy of fear presents itself inside. Quick stop breathing!
What about a yoga practice that is about being here, exploring and discovering from one’s own perspective!
Rather than lets get into this level of samadhi and float for 2 hours, while the dog is tearing the house apart. Altered states are fine and dandy, but the shit hits the road when the dishes are dirty and there are 10 loads of laundry to be sorted, the furballs are rolling in the living room, dinner needs to be made, the emails answered, the letters mailed, the phonecalls answered, kids driven to there classes, family members wanting to be noticed and recognised, friends wanting to have lunch. My God…… how does yoga come into this arena!!!!!Into LIFE not just on a mat in some serene yoga studio for God’s sake!!!!!
What about a yoga practice that teaches one to go into the fear, the judgements, the pain when it arises and meet it all with a huuuge aaahhh YES this too.
Who/what is the controller? Meditate on that! What does energy of the controller feel like inside? What is the source of the controller inside feel like? what is it? What am I without fear, judgement, control? How do i live without fear? Who would i be without fear?
i’ve tried to put a picture with this post, i took it a few weeks back literally in my backyard. I’ve called it – Somewhere over the Rainbow…… the spiritual quest is like always looking to the end of the rainbow. How about hanging out in the deliciousness of the rainbow right here?
This has been a fun rant. Always something to learn.