What?

What is not doing anything? What is not striving, seeking, looking, wanting, needing, believing?

The whole grasping energy inside….. what is that? IS the grasping or clinging of a spiritual person clinging to the ‘idea’ of belief of God any different that the energy or grasping of a person wanting a new car to complete their life?

Feel inside and think of something that you want.. what does it feel like inside? Now think of a spiritual desire if you have any…. does the basic energy feel any different?

On spiritual paths, it is easy for people to think they are ‘better’ than others who are not on a spiritual path-  consciously or unconsciously.  Check inside and see.  OMG I grew a huge spiritual ego that fueled my life for years and got me ‘nowhere’ hohoho.

Pull out all the weeds and what remains?

Christmas Day, what is it for YOU?

A ramble to myself from the Self.

I was driving to a friend’s house for a wonderful crepe breakfast this morning, Christmas Eve day, and was wondering about what does Christmas mean to me or other people? We take it for granted as a day to give gifts, see our families and eat a feast together. But is there anything more to it? I used to go to church regularly as a young adult, I was really into mystical Christianity. More like experience God rather than just believe in someone else’s ideas about God.

At this point in my life, (30 years later), I see Christmas as an invitation to connect to let the love that IS here and be born more deeply in my everyday life, especially in relation to all my human-ness and conditioned ‘hell’ that I inherited and lived.

Go for it! Don’t hide anymore. I resonate with love in relationships, family, friends and teachers, but how about resonate with the LOVE that is silently witnessing THIS life………HERE NOW … inside? I see/feel love in another’s eyes…….. have i noticed the love coming out of THESE EYES? Can I allow myself the noticing…… of that LOVE that is LOOKING out of these eyes to turn in? Can I allow everything = all the ^%^%^%$ from God knows where……to Rest in the simplicity….. the Love under it all.

Merry Christmas ! Merry Truth! Merry the LOVE that could perhaps Simply ….BE … You !
May it blossom fully fully and more fully every moment of every day.

Yoga because i simply enjoy it!

For 30 years I’ve been waking up with the thought I should meditate and do asanas(postures). That is alot of stress to have that for so long every single morning all these years. I had periods when I would get up at 4am, 5am, 6am and do many hours – to now…. I would say my formal practice has been non-existent this past couple of summer months. I just realized yesterday that it has been 30 years! What about waking up and not having that ’should’ present anywhere in my mind whether conscious or unconscious?

I’ve been feeling inner division alot…. the old part thinks i should be doing yoga whether it it meditating or asanas, the fresh part that has accomplished sooo much in the relative world these past few months, is relaxed and enjoying life in whatever I am doing. I have wondered if there is something wrong with me because I am not meditating, am I afraid of something, is there somewhere inside sabatoging the Truth here?

Today I am noticing that because I’ve seen the absolute impossibility of any yoga practice bringing one to true ‘awakening’ or enlightenment, then why do it is one thought thread I’ve had inside this summer since going to a 5 day silent retreat in June with Adyashanti. The absolute hopelessness, complete impossibility and the deep utter failure of the so called ‘you’ ,,,,, ‘attaining anything’ in the spiritual realm.

It is all a set-up for failiure. I’m not talking about gaining experiences that come and go.

How about practicing yoga not for any goal in the future? How about practicing yoga because something here simply enjoys it!!!! How about simply for the love of IT!

Yahoo! What freedom… I can’t even describe it! Or I could say that maybe it feels like a kid jumping off our tower into the pond.

Human Being Human….or Human being Spiritual!

The LOVE which i have flown all over the world to sit at various teacher’s/guru’s feet is available right here – in everyone I meet, in my children, husband, students…. the distinction between human and spiritual is falling away…..

This is a note to my Self from my Self.

Yes to BEING HUMAN! Ever thought about the words ‘Human Being’ ? Who picked the word ‘being’ to go after ‘human’ ? I think they were smarter than most notice. How about meditate on the words ‘human BEING’ instead of a some sanskrit mantra some teacher thinks is going to give you salvation. Is it possible that the answer could be truly SIMPLE and already right here in our human-ness? DO we have to go to India (which i have done 3 times) on a spiritual quest, get sick, recite mantra, practice meditation, pranayam , asanas, rituals etc for year s on end… ultimately loosing site of the original goal….. just continuing to slave away at what i think or believe is important…….

How about starting where YOU ARE rather than for years trying to ‘get somewhere’, or be something else – that someone has told you you should strive for…. or fit a mold you read about in a so called spiritual book…or believe they all are smarter, know what is best, are holier and more pure and worthy than you and follow and imitate them as if you are a frigging grovelling idiot ?

I think i began treading the so called spiritual path due to not wanting to feel the pain that was threatening to explode inside…. I suppose there were other reasons.. but avoiding life i now realize was a big part of my ’so called spiritual life’. You might think i sound kind of cynical or something… but it is more that i just don’t buy it all anymore….

I used to divide my life into – this is spiritual – that is not…. seems like…. I’m discovering what it is to BE in this human form….. if that makes any sense…. a big huge laugh…….Ok…. more is falling away and opening up.

It seems that as the fear drops away to simply feel and notice all that I’ve feared, love and compassion appears. Being spiritual is not separate from being human anymore….. meditating because I was trying to not feel the pain inside or because i was escaping into a trance state to help me not feel what is here is not the answer for me anymore. I know it is believed to be the answer for many, but I am discovering that the more human i allow myself to be, the more I drop into all that is feared, the more love appears.

In trying to be spiritual – I discounted or ignored what was truly here. Only for my whole life. What a hoot to discover. What a relief…. the jewel really always was here, is here…..

A tender flower delicately blooming, spreading open its petals… completely…simply…. expanding – discovering Love….Space Simply Being Human.

New eyes opening.

“Let everyone be as they are.” Adyashanti

“Let everyone be as they are.” Adya said this to me almost 4 years ago at the end of a conversation with him. I am continually learning what this means. After he said this, he brought his hands over his heart and said “bless you heart’. What a gift to have teachers that guide us to the Truth within.

My deepest gratitude to all that give us the space to Be That Which WE ARE in all of our Human-ness if there is such a word. Or I could say…. my deepest gratitude to my teachers, friends, and family that give us the space to acknowledge whatever arises and hold us in Love when things present themselves that we’ve hidden from for so many years.

My deepest gratitude for ’something here’ that gives acknowledgement for all the pain I have hidden and run from the last 35 years…

wow…. i’ve talked about hellish experiences and stories of childhood for all these years, but never was connected to the feeling sense of it all…. Just up in my head… which is ok as well. It is how i survived. The body is releasing, opening……. so much held in, no blame… just a letting go… ahh yes! as i say in my yoga classes……

perhaps when all is met within, the stories loose their force to consume our attention?

Let myself be as I am! Let myself be a human and stop trying to be some super spiritual blah blah blah concept of something other than what I am….!!!!! What am I without all the conditioning?

received this wonderfully timely quote today in an email.

“Stop being who you think you are, and be who you Are. Let yourself know what you already know.” — Adyashanti

New Year’s Resolution

Nothing about you has to change.
The only thing that has to change
Is that you stop trying to change.
Then your true nature can spontaneously come forth.

•
My being and your being is the same being.

•

Think this: what if there was no such thing as a true thought?

©Adyashanti

I opened up this morning a beautiful pamphlet of Adya’s called ‘Emptiness Becomes Love’ and the above quotes spoke to me.

May you recognise the Truth that is born in each moment

Happy New Year whatever that means for YOU.

Rumi and the dishes!

Dishes and Laundry are like thoughts, they never stop or go away!

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Rumi

Can we treat the dishes like an honourable guest?

The more I resist the normal household duties, the more heaviness and inertia come in.

Oh, I think I’ll just go and have a nap rather than do the dishes for example. But this doesn’t make the dishes go away, which is what something inside thinks it wants. It just makes the resistance/suffering grow bigger. Just like the pile of dishes that grows every day of not dealing with them! Just as everything we try and hide from inside grows bigger and will continue to influence us consciously or not…… until we stop, take notice and let BE.

If the dishes for example can be done or not done in the space of a 5 year old playing with bubbles and the miraculousness of IT all……noticing the energy of joy that underneath in the clean dishes or dirty…..or I could put it this way……let a ‘doing’ without the sticking to the ‘thinking commentary in the head happen…..or let a ‘doing’ without believing the continuous commentary in the head……

What do you think…..is that enlightenment? hohohohoho

My sadhana (spiritual practice) often is to notice the resistance to the dishes , drop into it physically in the body, feel the energy inside and get to know what it is all about. Let IT inform me. The part (or habit or movement of energy) that has been addicted to pain and suffering loves the resistance and attempts to keep it going by letting the pile grow bigger.

If i stop and notice…. what is not resisting the dishes? Hang out in THAT!
I’ve noticed if I do the dishes with something inside sticking to the thinking thoughts that are usually judgements, or wishing to be somewhere else kind of feel = suffering.

If I simply do the dishes then all is ok. It is like the ‘me’ isn’t’ doing them. If the ‘me’ commenting is in the driving seat, then the energy of resistance or suffering enters in.

If i wait until the energy comes to do them rather than forcing the issue….than all is ok. Even feeling the resistance is ok. Can’t even resist the resistance as it is often HERE.

I’ve discovered that if I do the dishes when the energy is simply present to do them… it is different than believing that I have to do them right now….

There appears to be kind of a free feeling inside, when i am not stuck in the resistance of dishes, dinner, laundry etc. Believe it or not when doing the household duties lately, I’ve noticed a real laughing space of peace – . Can’t say always… but moments are peeking through more often. When there are no distractions it becomes like a meditation. Meditation on dishes or no dishes! Is there any difference?

.

And then….. not even labeling dishes, negative feelings, patterns as distractions, or bad…just what is arising…

For me the important thing seems to be to STOP and NOTICE! Do I want to live with suffering/resisting inside driving every living moment of life or freedom in the driving seat? WOW!!!

Thoughts/feelings/patterns come up and can be noticed without the ’stickiness’ more of a ‘oh what is this’ or ‘here you are again’ as Rumi said in his exquisite poem. They pass through or get stuck like a huge pile of dishes that grows and the more the ‘I’ takes ownership, the more pain…..

yahoo! the sink is clean today!

off to learn how to downhill ski …ahahahah theres an interesting place to see  fears emerge – as i’m screaming down the hill in snowplow!!

Enlightenment – Simply Resting!

Don’t Miss the Stop Sign written by Mukti

Enlightenment is consciously being that which is entirely unmoving and yet moves all things. In order to know what is unmoving, consciously, one must end all investment in movements of mind and attend to what is always and already stopped.

When one no longer invests in movements of mind, the searchlights of your attention withdraw back to source. Abiding as source is true stopping.

This return to source—whether by letting energies withdraw and recede from outer attentions or by tracing movements of mind back to their origin—is the way Home.

Often in spirituality, there are teachings that assert the need to focus attention on given objects of perception. You may have been taught to focus your attention on a goal, a mantra, your breath, the third eye, the hara, or on sensation, but it is the very assertion of focus and the assertion of the focuser, the “me,” that keeps you forever at a seeming distance from the root of attention: your Self as pure Awareness.

In your natural state as Oneness, there is no need to focus in order to discover yourself—any more than point A can know itself by focusing on point B. Point A can only know itself by letting all focus, attention, and searching subside back to its origin.

This is an open invitation for a simple resting, a return to the ground of being you have always known. ©Adyashanti
Mukti’s  website is www.muktisource.org

Mukti is coming to Ontario,  Canada in September 2008!  Info will be posted in the Spring at www.yogaforlife.ca as well as her website.

Pecan Puffs – Grandmother’s recipe for enlightened taste buds!

My Nana used to make these over 40 years ago and I admit I make them every year for the family.

Her old cookbook describes them as RICH and DEVASTATING and it is true. They are also very easy to make. I challenge you to meditate on the flavour of these! Also…. when you are rolling out the cookies…. only roll one at a time….. there…. another Christmas meditation for you….hohoho!
Since I am immersed in the baking of cookies and wrapping presents, thought I’d share this recipe. I love the simplicity of the recipe and I usually triple the recipe and they turn out just fine.

Here is my daughter who loves these cookies. Her big brother took this picture. She had just had a make=-up lesson from the big girls at dance class.

Makes about 32 1 1/2 inch cookies.

Beat until soft:
1/2cup butter
Add and blend until creamy:
2 tablespoons white sugar
Add:
1 teaspoon vanilla
Measure, then grind in a nut grinder or I use a cuisinart:
1 cup pecans
Sift before measuring:
1 cup unbleached white flour

Stir the pecans and the flour into the butter mixture. Roll the dough into small balls. I use a heaping teaspoon for size. Place them on a greased baking sheet. Bake them in a slow over 300degrees for about 45 minutes. Roll the puffs while hot in :

totally decadent Confectioner’s sugar (icing sugar)

The Holy Grail

Dear Journeyer,

Have you made love to empty
and soulless things for too long?
I know that you get a little crazy
when you have not paid attention
to the Heart inside you heart
and like a man in the desert
dying of thirst
you see things
that aren’t really there.

If your heart is thirsty for Love and God
then turn around now and
go back to where you came from
back to the simple ground of your origin
inside the inside of this
flowering and Radiant Emptiness. © Adyashanti from My Secret is Silence.

Hey, we are all questing for the holy grail in our own ways don’t you think?

This is my dog Scootie looking for his Holy Grail – a frog.

Honestly, I’d probably be dead now if it wasn’t for all the so called spiritual seeking.

Even though the seeking didn’t ‘get ‘ the me‘ anywhere…hohohoho….it kept the body alive. As well as created a huge ‘ spiritual ego’. (that is not what i had consciously intended) Humbling.

The spiritual search can still be an escape like drinking alot of beer and tranquilizers…it just doesn’t wreck the body. I’ve come to see that much of what I’ve done in life are things that numb life….whether so called spiritual or otherwise. Everything is meant to give us temporary relief from feeling ourselves and really being here….. wild eh!!! We’re becoming ‘One’ with our escapes. Even a good movie helps us forget our life for a few hours. I love movies – I do it all the time myself except when I don’t.

Its all over the world…. look for yourself…….check it out……what do you spend your free time ‘doing’? Do you blob out in front of the TV every night for hours ‘letting the TV think for you because it is the only thing you can think to do to get a break?”

What do you want a break from? What do I want a break from?

My thoughts, feelings and the pain inside?

When we start to suffer, it tells us something
very valuable. It means that we are not seeing
the truth, and we are not relating from the truth.
It’s a beautiful pointer…it never fails. © Adyashanti from My Secret is Silence.

It is like I have lived most of this life on some level trying to escape it and the world supports the escaping.

What if I STOP and turn around.

Your intrinsic nature is still as pure and clear
as it was before you ever took this birth.
If you would just turn your attention away from
the various trance-inducing states created
by your mind and realize the intrinsically
innocent and pure nature of the unseen seer,
you would at once experience a great relief
and freedom. © Adyashanti from My Secret is Silence.

True honesty – True Truth – Satya- is radically intense. Oh my God, on a relative level , how often every day do you not speak the truth out of fear or don’t even listen inside yourself to the Truth that is being quietly whispered to YOU? Radical Honesty.

Is most of humanity afraid of really BEING alive?

Maybe we can simply notice and drop into the great relief and freedom that is already HERE underneath everything.

This blogging thing for me – is like teaching myself. As I write, it helps to come to the space of ‘great relief’.

Thank- YOU and my deepest Gratitude to ‘the great relief ‘ .

Hey what if instead of calling IT the Holy Grail back in time, they had called it

“THE GREAT RELIEF” ?